Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Still No Answers....

I haven't felt like posting lately! My mother's condition isn't any better, in fact in could be considered worse. She is still in the same hospital, same bed and at times seems the same position.
They still have no answers!
She's passing every test, although some concerns have risen along the way....but still no answers! There's been no stroke, although she speaks as if she has had one. She's off all narcotics....Valium, Vicodin, Dilaudid, etc. that they were giving her for pain. They had to because it was making her breathing compromised and she would stop breathing for 8-9 secs. at a time. She now gets Tylenol....plain old Tylenol. That happened at my first all day visit with her! We actually had her doctor come in her room about 7 p.m. that night (I had never met this doctor....her primary) and the first words out of his mouth were that we had 2 choices....they could keep giving her the strong pain killers and IF she stops breathing let her go....OR....we can choose to just give her Tylenol and "let her" feel the pain, but she would breathe better!!!! Hello.....let's talk about WHY she is in soooo much pain....not IF we want to make a "life choice" at this point! It didn't go over well with me at all and I ended up basically telling this Dr. that he needed to change his tone in my mother's room because she...in case he didn't know....was listening to EVERY word he said even though she appeared to be sleeping!! She turned her head and opened her eyes (which isn't common these days) and looked right at him when he mentioned....let her go!! Apparently he doesn't know his patient very well....

My mom's a fighter!!!
She loves life and it will take more then narcotics to bring her down!
She still has moments of talking about things that didn't happen, but are very real to her. She see's people...family members she hasn't seen in years, people that are no longer with us, those sorts of things. She's traveled the world....in the world she's in now! But, then she may perk up and have a conversation with you that makes perfect sense! This happens later in the day, I have not wittnessed this.
This as I have been told is called Sundowning!
The physical therapist has gotten her out of the bed to the chair. She has spelled all six of us kids first and middle names....correctly! She gets very mad when we disrupt her sleep and/or we don't understand what she is saying! Not good to get mom mad, lol! So she is there, she is listening, she knows everyone that visits....she's NOT ready to leave this world!
Today they are going to be doing a blood transfusion, they said this would make her feel better! She went from Friday to yesterday (Monday) with no solid food, no liquid in her mouth except for a wet swabbing, because they weren't sure she was swallowing correctly....she has pnuemonia in her lungs and alittle congestive heart failure. She's not happy that she had to wait until today for the blood transfusion....she let us know that! And she said that she doesn't want to hurt again....that tells me she isn't feeling as much pain! That's so good!
She passed her swallow test well enough to be able to have very soft foods only in small amounts and only if she is sitting up very straight. She took only a bit and then wasn't hungry and wouldn't swallow....did I tell you my mom is stubborn too? LOL
Tomorrow, unless there is a miracle, she will be moved to the rehabilitation/nursing home! She may never come home again! She made us promise years ago that we would never put her in a nursing home....this is hard for us. What else can we do?
Choices are not always fair to family members!
Today is my Dad's 80th birthday! We have a party planned for him, as a BIG surprise, for Saturday! We now are at the point of what do we do....have the party as planned or cancel! There are people planning to come from out of town, some have plane tickets. Some of us feel it would be a good thing, some of us feel it should be canceled! I was one for cancel, but now am thinking maybe it would be a good thing! What would Dad want us to do? Mom would probably want us to still have it, even though she won't be there....but then, maybe she will....in her world!
I asked/told her last night before I left her that she was fighting and in her way of trying to talk she told me she is trying....she sure is! Dad took a cloth to church on Sunday and had them pray over it. He then took it to the hospital and put it in my mothers pillow, under her head for her to sleep on. I have to believe that those prayers will work, as will all of the prayers from you in blogland!
I Thank each and everyone of you for those prayers and your time in reading about my Mom! I appreciate it so very much! Thank you!


  1. My heart goes out to you. My dad never wanted to go in a nursing home either and I hate leaving him every day. Let's all keep saying prayers for each other! Hope your days get a little brighter soon, Dawn

  2. oh sweetie I am holding you all in my prayers. These decisions are always so hard to make, so much rests upon the family. Our parents generation had such a fear of nursing homes, my Mom made me promise the same thing. Sometimes it is the best way to provide the care they need, just remember to always be an advocate for your Mom, if she cannot express her wishes then you have to. Give Dad his party, the family wants to see him and he deserves a break too. Perhaps with family in town more people will be able to visit Mom. I'm sure it will be good for all involved. Blessings to you dear one!

  3. Lisa, I am just now catching up on the news of your mom. I'm so sorry you are going through this. It brings back to me our experience with my MIL last fall. I COMPLETELY understand what you are going through right now. Jim and I were in the same position as you, not be as "free" to be with her as we liked as we too were the only ones with a child in school as you say and the distance issue doesn't help. Please don't fret that you are not doing your part. I'm certain EVERYONE in your family understands you ARE doing all you can.
    It is so hard to wait day by day for news/information/SOMETHING in situtions like this. How well I remember the hope of "good" days with mom and then the fear of a "bad" day. You, your mom and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

  4. Such a difficult time for your family. Still praying for your mother and your dad and for all of you daughters. Both my mother and grandmother spent time in a nursing home facility to recuperate. It doesn't have to be "forever" if recuperation happens. Don't think that you're not doing your very best for her. You would not do less.

  5. Oh, and I agree with Diva above! Go ahead with your Dad's party. Your mom would be angry with you if you changed that plan. And, it would be a good break for all of you as well as getting to see and feel the support of other family members at this time. Like Diva mentioned, perhaps some of these other visiting family members could pay a visit to your mom as well. It would likely be good for them AND your mom!
    Take it one day at a time Lisa. That's all you can do. That, and pray. {{{Lisa}}}

  6. Oh Lisa, honey, what an awful time for your mom and all of you. I wish there were answers. I understand. I will keep all of you in my prayers and I hope your mom gets better and doesn't have to go into a nursing home.

  7. Lisa...I'm in tears for you my friend. Gentle hugs are sent your way.

    My father is in a Nursing Home. The exact same kind of home he use to minister in when I was a child. He minister faithfully every Sunday to the elderly about Jesus. Now I can't help but wonder WHERE the ministers are that should be coming to dress the wounds of his trying day. God knows.

    I made the promise to. Thankfully my dad doesn't know where he is. He thinks he's in a dorm...or aboard ship (Navy)...or away at school. It's been God's severe mercy that he doesn't understand he's so ill.

    My thoughts are with you and I'm lifting up your Momma to the Master Healer.

    Love, Rebecca

  8. Dear Lisa, There are so many of us who are experiencing similar challenges with our aging parents -- but how lucky those parents are to have advocates who WILL talk to the doctors and say things like, "Please watch what you say!"

    My mom passed away from Alzheimer's in January (88 yrs old) and my Dad, almost 90, has Parkinsons and has had pneumonia 3 times since July. It's so hard to watch them struggle when at this time of life you wish they could just enjoy their very survival, and hold those grandkids!

    Good luck to your mother; she is lucky to have you.


  9. Lisa I am so sorry your going through this. I do know about Sun-downing.. my grandmother had it. Every day the same time, she would go through it.. almost like a depression would set in. I truly hope you get some answers. Both my grandmothers had dementia, so I am familiar with the symptoms. It is so sad to see our parents/grandparents like this. Hold on to her all that you can.

  10. Bless your heart...your Mom looks so sweet, It must be very difficult for you. You both are in my prayers. I hope they find a way to make her comfortable and able to breath easily. Good for you for sticking up for her!! I have told my kids already that I will not mind going to a nursing home. Just fix up my room cute and bring me sweets and the grandkids to visit. I hope you all get to enjoy your Dad's birthday.

  11. Lisa,

    Your mother is gorgeous! I can see that spunk and spirit in her eyes. Praying that your mom gets better soon.

    Take care,


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