~ My Dad turned 80 and my Mom went to the nursing home~
A day early, I knew she would at some point this week. But, when the time came....it was more then I could bare, literally! I still can not stop crying....the tears come too easily. I feel as though this is my grieving time, as if I have already lost her, even though she is not gone! The hospital could do no more for her and this is the next step. I was not there, maybe that was best! I went the day before and took my Dad out for an early birthday lunch, just the two of us. I said my Happy Birthdays then, we talked about how we don't want to see her suffer. We talked about how when God is ready for her, she will go....He is not ready for her yet and she is still trying to fight. She told me so on Monday! Right after I posted yesterday, I tried to call my Dad to say Happy Birthday again, he was not home. Soon after I got a call from my sister, telling me the discussion with the doctor. They were told that they could put a feeding tube right into her stomach, she wasn't eating enough from a spoon to feed an ant. But that, according to the doctor, it would only prolong her life, not make it better. She, according to him, will never be better. Two of my sister's and my Dad agreed that they should not insert a feeding tube.....I disagree!
I feel as though they are giving up on her!
I want them to at least try!
This doctor is NOT God!
Yet, her life seems to be in his hands right now....and they are trusting him!
So, I tried to occupy my mind around my Home...
So, I tried to occupy my mind around my Home...
doing laundry...
and dishes....
making beds....
and still the tears flowed, uncontrollaby!
As they did, a bit, thru the night when I would wake....
as they are now!
I can not go down today....I wouldn't be able to handle it yet. I do not want to cry in front of my Mom, she is still listening. No today is not a good day either, I don't know when it will be! Maybe tomorrow....maybe not!
When she was in the hospital, a nurse came into my Mom's room quietly, while I was sitting there alone with my Mom. She said in a soft voice, that she didn't know how to say this, but, IF a certain dog showed up at the hospital....they wouldn't know HOW it got there!
My Mom LOVES her dog....
her dog LOVES her!
I quietly told her I would convey that message to the family. It got vetoed! The dog is a bit hyper, but the good it could have done my Mom! My Dad called last night, I could not answer, but he left the message that Mom was now in the nursing home and he took Lilly (the dog) to visit and it was a happy reunion!
I knew it would be!
Thank you Dad!
So today is another day....hopefully my tears will not come so freely! I have not given up on my Mom....she knows that! I just need a day or two more!
I will not be posting for a while, I hope you all understand! I know your prayers are there and again I appreciate them more then you will ever know! Thank you all for your support and God Bless you too!
I contiune to hold you all in my prayers dear one. These are difficult days I know, I have traveled this road. Do not restrain from visiting Mom because you are afraid of the tears, let them flow freely, share them with her if you must. Continue to pray and if it is God's will she will pull through. If her days are leading her to be with Him then you want to be with her as often as possible, tears or not. Be strong sweet one, go visit Mom.
ReplyDeleteOh Lisa, I sit here wishing I could reach out and give you a big hug. I'm crying with you as I read this post and feel your heart. I'm so sorry for your mom, you, and your family during this difficult time. I will continue to keep all of you in prayer. Hugs, Marla
ReplyDeleteTake all the time that you need, Lisa. Blogging is the last thing that you need to focus on, unless it's therapeutic somehow.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad that Lilly was able to visit. It's amazing how much love one can have for a beloved pet. My mother is the same way about her dog who also got to visit while she was in the nursing home.
(Not that you need any advice and I don't know if this is even appropriate, but when my mother began to "waste away," she was put on nutrition and hydration therapy through a stent in her arm (not a feeding tube into her stomach). It has made a big difference for her. Just something you might ask about. Do you have a family friend who is a nurse or doctor or someone in your church family that you can bounce these things from? Still praying...
Please go to you mother, climb into bed with her, put your head on her chest, caress and kiss her and just breathe her in . . . . these are magical moments and ones that will last us a lifetime . . . bring your girls and have them lay with her as well. She will know you are there and will feel your deep and wonderful love. Don't be afraid . . . there is so much beauty, if only we are willing to embrace it. God bless you and your family.
ReplyDeleteGentle hugs...
ReplyDeleteGo to your Mother. She needs you. Don't be afraid. God is with you.
xoRebecca
I so agree with Diva. Let the tears flow, go visit your Mom. She I'm sure understands and knows that you love her and won't mind the tears at all.
ReplyDeleteThis is undoubtedly the hardest part of life that I'm sure of having gone thru it myself. Over the past year we lost three matriarchs of the family, tough doesn't even begin to describe it. While I don't think the rest of the family even looks at it that way I do. These three women were so crucial in all of our lives that the loss is deep. Much as I am sure it is just having your mom go to the nursing home.
Will be praying for you and your family.
XO
Teri
Dear Lisa,
ReplyDeleteI will keep Mom and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Don't be afraid of whats happening to your Mom, you all need each other now and with the love and support you can give Dad and Mom, it will help you get through the hard times.
God Bless and big hugs for you all, Elizabeth
I agree with the others who mentions that your Mom needs you now hon and you need her too. Take all of her in, during the time that the dear Lord allows..I'd do anything to have my Mom and Dad back, just to be able to hug them again and tell them how much I love them once more.. Please don't put off and say to yourself that there will be another day that you can be with your Mom.. The Lord might just take her home that particular day.. One never knows..the time nor the hour..
ReplyDeleteMy Mom passed away in 1987, at the age of 55 and my father passed away in 2006 at the age of 77. I miss them both sooo much!
Just to be able to hug and touch them once again...
I have you and your parents in my prayers..
Blessings,
~Lynn
Dear Friend, you are in our thoughts and prayers and will stay there...I truly believe in its power. I agree with the others in allowing yourself to grieve as well as the quality, loving visits with your mother. (I think Natalie said it the best.) I send my best wishes that you and your family can be there for each other, during this time, and that you trust in God's love and the love of one another. We'll miss you and will keep a good thought. Love, Karen
ReplyDeleteLisa,
ReplyDeleteI'd like to offer my prayers and let you know I understand. I work in a nursing home and while I'm not a doctor, I have no medical training, I do know, through working at the nursing home, that a feeding tube or a stint as was suggested earlier is a wonderful way to allow you mother the opportunity to gain the nutrition she needs to fight, as she's told you she wants to do. Many of the patients I see, have great success using feeding tubes and have plenty of energy to socialize, play bingo, join the bell choir, etc. So don't give up hope. God is the great provider of healing and wisdom, so look to Him in these areas and in the meantime, we'll stand in the gap for you, covering you and your family in prayer. All God's best, Amy
I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Praying that God will give you peace and your family wisdom.
ReplyDeleteI have been thinking of you and praying for you Lisa. You are right, she is in God's hands and he will take care of her. As I said, we went though this around Thanksgiving, so it is very fresh. She knows she is in good hands, what she needs to know is that all of YOU will be alright! She's a mom! It is important for YOU to be with her, AND your dad, as much as you can right now. Be with her, assure her you will take care of dad and Lilley, and yourselves. Give her peace and stop her worries. Cry if you have to. They are tears of love. It is hard, but, you will feel better about everything at the end of the day. Just let her know she is loved, and she will gain strength from that alone for whatever journey the Lord blesses her with. And, God bless you Lisa. {{{Lisa}}}
ReplyDeleteOh Dear Sweet Lisa, I agree......
ReplyDeleteGO to your mum, she needs you, and maybe she needs a good cry too! You can comfort each other!
Please don't stay away......god forbid you regret that the rest of your life!
Sending hugz and much strength to you so you can pull yourself together and go be with your momma!
Blessings dear friend
XO
Dolly
I agree with Rebecca. Put your Mom first, even above your own feelings. You can be strong when you see her and not cry..and if you do, why is that not alright? She would cry if she saw you so ill. I have never thought it was best to put on bright smiling faces in a room where someone is so ill. Feelings are alright as long as there is control.
ReplyDeleteGod is with you and I agree that you have nothing to fear. You have no idea how this will turn out..especially if you are not believing that doctor.
Your father sounds like a wonderful man! This is such a terrible time for him. The worst of his life.
Everything is in devine order and in HIS hands.
What a terrible time for you and your family!
Love and hugs to you, sweet friend.
Mona
I am so sorry you are going thru this valley. I have been there, several times, and I know for sure how hard it is.
ReplyDeleteAll I can offer is my prayers for you and your family. For comfort, strength, understanding and love.
Big fuzzy hug,
bj
A very touching letter that was. I am sorry for your loss. Keep in mind that I lost my mom at the age of 49 to cancer. I was only 23. Be happy that you had her in your life for so long! My thoughts are with you.
ReplyDeleteJaclynn