I miss my Mom so much right now it hurts! I put on my happy face, so to speak, each day because I have to. But, in truth, my heart is broken and I can't seem to get it in my head that she is gone! You don't know how often I have wanted to pick up the phone and call her, but yet I know I can't. If I lived closer I would probably find myself at the cemetery everyday and yet I haven't been back since the day we buried her. Life goes on and there are, as before, daily needs in my own family that keep me busy here. So the trip back to even see my Dad has not happened yet! I do talk to him every few days and sometimes daily, but, it's not the same. Dad used to say his friendly Hello and pass the phone to Mom. Now we have to come up with a conversation of our own, neither really knowing what to say and trying not to get down and talk about how we can't believe she is not with us anymore! I know this is all "normal" right now as it has only been a couple weeks, but it is so hard to NOT feel sad! The slightest memory brings me to tears and yet I don't want to forget! Someday soon, I will be able to blog about normal stuff, like before. But for now, I can't seem to come up with anything!
I know you all are still out there and praying for me and giving me words of encourgement! Thank you for that! I check in every few days or so. Again, Thank you for being there for me!
sweetie, I know how hard this is, don't rush yourself through the grieving process. It takes time, alot of time. My Mom has been gone 12 years and I still miss her terribly. If at all possible try to join a bereavement group, local chapters can be found at hospitals and churches. I would reccomend the same for your Dad. Don't let anyone tell you you should be over it by now or rush you along, go at your own pace, allow the tears to flow. Eventually they are replace with happier memories. I shall continue to hold you in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteDear Lisa,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to read about Mom's passing. I know your heart is heavy, loosing someone we love is never easy....
Just keep the sweetest of memories in your heart and you will smile again.
Biggest hug ever, Elizabeth
Lisa, you are grieving. It takes us on highs and lows.. sometimes so low.. we can't even bare it. It's so important to allow yourself to do this. Its OK. Where as some of us are not in your shoes yet, we do understand how much it hurts to loose someone close. Lean on your family and friends. Try to remember things about your mom that made you smile... they will make you smile again.. I promise. Don't worry about blogging.. type whatever comes to your mind. Use us to get your feelings out when you just can't say them. Bless your heart.. I wish I could give you a hug.
ReplyDeleteAmy
I wish I had some advice for you but I am not good with that. I AM a good listener though and my heart just breaks for the pain you are in. The same things happened for me when my mom passed 8 years ago. I would normally call, say Hi to my dad, and then my mom and I would talk for an hour or so. Now I don't know what to say to my dad and I feel bad about it because it has been so hard on him.
ReplyDeleteWell I didn't mean to ramble on about myself here. But I think you are doing the right thing writing about all of it as you see needed. I am here to listen.
xoxo
Jane
I think of you so often... Grieving is hard work and you and your dad and your sisters and the entire family are all in my thoughts and prayers. Take care of yourself. I'm glad that you'll be back when you are ready. That's very good news.
ReplyDeleteYes Lisa, you do NEED to talk to your mom. So, just do it. Whatever you're doing, when thoughts of her pop into your head, or you want to tell her something...just do it! "Hey mom, I can't remember how to make that casserole you made. How DO you make it?" And, she'll tell you. Your mom will speak to you in ways you may not think, EVERY day, EVERY moment you need her to! You just have to look, listen and receive. And, your dad needs to talk to her and about her too. My father-in-law tells us all the time things that mom tells him or shows him. LOL He'll say, "I couldn't find where Louise put my spring jacket. I looked and looked all over the place, and then, one day, I walked right to it! Thank you Louise, I knew you were listening!" It's a slow process to learn to live without your mom, but, you will...give it time and ALWAYS be receptive to "listening" for her, she is still there! Just in another form. Our loved ones that leave us are watching us, waiting for us, loving us and guiding us still.
ReplyDeleteMy heart hurts for you. I lost my Mom suddenly to suicide but she was so unhappy on this Earth that I have always felt she found peace. I miss her but it's not the same sadness you feel. My dad and I love each other but he's not a huggy kissy guy. Now my Grandmother - I miss her every day in some way - but I don't feel a huge sadness - she lived to be 95 and I was so very lucky. Still - if I could ease what you're feeling - say some kind words to let you know I'm sorry you're sad - I'd send them with my heart. Jennifer
ReplyDeleteDear Lisa
ReplyDeleteAugust 15th will be the 5th anniversary since my Mom passed. Not a day goes by I don't miss her, or a occasion and I want to call and chat. I firmly believe there is no greater loss then one's mom. To me they are our true better half. I wish i could say it gets easier, but I haven't found it so. Over time the tears dry some, but the loss remains so extremely huge. I understand, Lori
((((Lisa))))))
ReplyDeleteI am SO sorry that your precious Mom passed away. Please know that I care. I am sure you are missing her so very very much. Life is so fleeting and fragile.
She will always be with you. With your every thought, every breath, and every heart beat.
Always and forever your Mother she will be.
Love,
Kim
Hi Lisa,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear of your loss. My father passed away just over a year ago in a very abrupt and tragic way. He was supposed to be okay. We were all in shock...the thing I learned was that each of us(mother and brothers) grieved in our own different ways. Mother it was the hardest for, my brothers went out, played golf and I came home and sat enveloped in the world of the computer..... Sometimes I would just start crying and sometimes I still do.
I think losing a parent is one of the most difficult things a person will experience but even worse a parent loosing a child would be worse. So I guess in the end...my view is that as long as our loved ones have lived a full rich life, seen their children grow into adults and shared in joys then anything else is icing on the cake. Well...at least thats how I justify my fathers death to myself. Maybe it will ease the hurt for you too.
It doesn't get easier...the sadness just eases a little bit as each day passes.
I'm truly sorry for your loss:*(
I stumbled upon your blog and wanted to give you a big virtual *hug*. I am sorry for your loss and feel your pain. I lost my dad in February of last year to cancer we didn't know he had. Like you, a memory brings tears to my eyes and tugs to my heart. They are always our parents and always will be. I wish you love and support in your journey.
ReplyDeleteMarcia
I am so sorry for your loss. My own Mother passed away June 20, 2009. For so long I just couldn't believe it. Life has changed so much since she has been gone, and it will never, ever be the same. Part of me has gone with her. The grieving process is long and hard, many friends tire of hearing about it, so I grieve quite a bit by myself. I have planted a memory garden in her honor and I enjoy that. I just bought a beautiful water fountain, and my Mom would have loved that. I can cry about it at any given moment. I rely heavily on my relationship with God, he has been my great comforter. Mom's 81st Birthday was May 25, and that was very hard, I baked a cake and my husband, son and sang to her. She is missed deeply, and I think of her everyday. If you ever want to talk about it, just email me. God Bless and I will keep up in my prayers.
ReplyDelete