Thursday, January 5, 2012

Mixed Emotions....

My life as of late has had many mixed emotions!  As many of you know, this "holiday" season has been a difficult one for my family.  What should be the happiest of season's, unexpectedly, turned out to be a very sad one even though we tried to make things as upbeat and "normal" as possible for our girls.  On Dec. 29 th my MIL passed away....unexpectedly.  With her passing brought many mixed emotions for me.  I personally had already experienced my first Christmas with the loss of my mom.  One would think that the season would be a tad easier to get through.  It was not!  I found that while going through all of the difficult decisions that we had to make at that time for my MIL, I was also grieving and experiencing all over again the loss and pain of losing my mom.  My tears were for both of the strong women in our combined families that we had to let go.  Confused at times which tears were for whom.  Yet knowing they were for both!  Trying so hard to not cry so I could be strong for my children and for my husband and for my FIL.  Yet, not so strong at all inside!

Being married to an only child I was not sure of my role when something like this was to happen.  I tried to just "be there" and support the decisions that were being made.  The hardest part for me was seeing the emotions that my husband was experiencing and to see my FIL tear up over a memory that might come to mind.  He loved her so and this will be IS extremely hard on him!  I gave him lots of hugs, more so then I normally do.  I was there....I think that was my role!
 Just be there!

Seeing my girls go through another loss of a Grandma they loved so dearly, is very hard!  Yet knowing their emotions are normal and healthy.  I hurt for them, yet I am trying to be the strong one!  I hurt for my husband, losing his mom so unexpectedly.  When my mom passed I could not explain why I seemed to tear up so easily.  I don't think one can explain.  But if you've been through it you know.  Unfortunately, he now knows!

Her service was yesterday.  Although some of her wishes were overpowered by my husband and my FIL, I think she would be proud of how we as a family honored her!  We were told by many how lovely the service was.  We had our visitation Tuesday evening with many of their friends.  She looked finally at peace! No more pain and worry, losing her eyesight and feeling as though she had to "depend" on people.  Something that she would never be able to come to terms with!  Her wish was to be cremated.  After the service at the church she was taken away.  Next we "see" her we will have another service to bury her ashes.  Her wish will be honored!

Two of my children are having difficulty with this.  My personal decision is not to be cremated, when my time comes.  But I understand this is not how everyone believes.  I tell my girls that this is what Grandma wanted and we have to honor that.  It doesn't make it any easier.  I hope one day they will come to understand that when our time comes, we can only hope that the decisions made will be done with respect for the person.
I think we did that!

So, to my MIL, I hope you are resting well and are finally at peace!

Love your daughter in law,

4 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry to hear of the loss and the pain that you are all going thru. This brings back a flood of memories for me of not only burying my grandfathers, and the only grandmother I ever had, but my father and brother. Seeing family members go before us and especially the ones so unexpectedly quick is really hard to deal with no matter what age. My father and brother have been gone now for nearly 20 years, there are days that it seems like just yesterday.

    Praying for your family.

    :)
    Teri

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  2. Thank you for sharing your family's journey through this. I think you honored your husband's mother well and did as she had requested...the ultimate to each his/her own. I'm sure that your father-in-law will have challenging days ahead. Yes, the tears still flow at times. It's all part of the process. Love to you and your family.

    Make plans. That always helps!

    If you make that meatloaf, which I'm sure you'll all love, please let me know!

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  3. I too am sorry you and your family are going through this rough time. Its all so fresh, and its so easy to say.. but time does heal... if only a little. I hope you're able to find some joy soon.

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  4. (((HUGS))) So sorry to hear of your MIL's passing. Your husband is so fortunate to have a strong, loving woman by his side to support him at this difficult time. My prayers are with you and your family.

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