Thursday, April 29, 2010

One Last Thing....

I would just like to say a BIG Thank You to all of you who kept my mom and my family in your prayers and supported me thru the most difficult time of my life! Each of your warm thoughts were like a huge warm hug as I read thru them. To have such wonderful support from people I have never met before was so amazing to me and I will always be grateful!

I had always intended on being with my mom, I just had to get myself composed to do so. I was able to spend the last 2 full days by her side telling her how much I Loved her and how everything would be okay! How she did her job taking care of all of us and now it was her time to take care of herself and that we would take care of Dad and not to worry. I was there to hold her hand and stroke her brow. I was there to moisten her mouth when she became to dry. I was able to rub her worn out body with lotion and file her nails, my way of preparing her for her next phase. These were the hardest times, but times no less that I will always have with me! My sister and I would not leave her side except if another family member were there. She was not alone! I witnessed some of the most difficult times of her trying to fight right to the end. But her time was to come and as we were preparing for another long difficult night by our Mother's side tending to her needs, a peace came over her and she quietly fell asleep! I was so happy I was there and so glad I will always have that memory! She is in a better place now and she is looking down on us and telling us she's okay and that she loved us!

I know there are difficult days ahead, but I also know she is with me and I will be just fine!
You did good Mom! God has blessed you and thru that you will give us strength!

Thank you all again!
Have a blessed day!

Monday, April 26, 2010

A Beautiful Lady....

Dorothy Louise Collins
Oct. 28, 1930
~~
April 25, 2010
I love you Mom!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Yesterday....

~ My Dad turned 80
and my Mom went to the nursing home~
A day early, I knew she would at some point this week. But, when the time came....it was more then I could bare, literally! I still can not stop crying....the tears come too easily. I feel as though this is my grieving time, as if I have already lost her, even though she is not gone! The hospital could do no more for her and this is the next step. I was not there, maybe that was best! I went the day before and took my Dad out for an early birthday lunch, just the two of us. I said my Happy Birthdays then, we talked about how we don't want to see her suffer. We talked about how when God is ready for her, she will go....He is not ready for her yet and she is still trying to fight. She told me so on Monday! Right after I posted yesterday, I tried to call my Dad to say Happy Birthday again, he was not home. Soon after I got a call from my sister, telling me the discussion with the doctor. They were told that they could put a feeding tube right into her stomach, she wasn't eating enough from a spoon to feed an ant. But that, according to the doctor, it would only prolong her life, not make it better. She, according to him, will never be better. Two of my sister's and my Dad agreed that they should not insert a feeding tube.....I disagree!
I feel as though they are giving up on her!
I want them to at least try!
This doctor is NOT God!
Yet, her life seems to be in his hands right now....and they are trusting him!
So, I tried to occupy my mind around my Home...
doing laundry...
and dishes....
making beds....
and still the tears flowed, uncontrollaby!
As they did, a bit, thru the night when I would wake....
as they are now!
I can not go down today....I wouldn't be able to handle it yet. I do not want to cry in front of my Mom, she is still listening. No today is not a good day either, I don't know when it will be! Maybe tomorrow....maybe not!
When she was in the hospital, a nurse came into my Mom's room quietly, while I was sitting there alone with my Mom. She said in a soft voice, that she didn't know how to say this, but, IF a certain dog showed up at the hospital....they wouldn't know HOW it got there!
My Mom LOVES her dog....
her dog LOVES her!
I quietly told her I would convey that message to the family. It got vetoed! The dog is a bit hyper, but the good it could have done my Mom! My Dad called last night, I could not answer, but he left the message that Mom was now in the nursing home and he took Lilly (the dog) to visit and it was a happy reunion!
I knew it would be!
Thank you Dad!
So today is another day....hopefully my tears will not come so freely! I have not given up on my Mom....she knows that! I just need a day or two more!
I will not be posting for a while, I hope you all understand! I know your prayers are there and again I appreciate them more then you will ever know! Thank you all for your support and God Bless you too!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Still No Answers....

I haven't felt like posting lately! My mother's condition isn't any better, in fact in could be considered worse. She is still in the same hospital, same bed and at times seems the same position.
They still have no answers!
She's passing every test, although some concerns have risen along the way....but still no answers! There's been no stroke, although she speaks as if she has had one. She's off all narcotics....Valium, Vicodin, Dilaudid, etc. that they were giving her for pain. They had to because it was making her breathing compromised and she would stop breathing for 8-9 secs. at a time. She now gets Tylenol....plain old Tylenol. That happened at my first all day visit with her! We actually had her doctor come in her room about 7 p.m. that night (I had never met this doctor....her primary) and the first words out of his mouth were that we had 2 choices....they could keep giving her the strong pain killers and IF she stops breathing let her go....OR....we can choose to just give her Tylenol and "let her" feel the pain, but she would breathe better!!!! Hello.....let's talk about WHY she is in soooo much pain....not IF we want to make a "life choice" at this point! It didn't go over well with me at all and I ended up basically telling this Dr. that he needed to change his tone in my mother's room because she...in case he didn't know....was listening to EVERY word he said even though she appeared to be sleeping!! She turned her head and opened her eyes (which isn't common these days) and looked right at him when he mentioned....let her go!! Apparently he doesn't know his patient very well....



My mom's a fighter!!!
She loves life and it will take more then narcotics to bring her down!
She still has moments of talking about things that didn't happen, but are very real to her. She see's people...family members she hasn't seen in years, people that are no longer with us, those sorts of things. She's traveled the world....in the world she's in now! But, then she may perk up and have a conversation with you that makes perfect sense! This happens later in the day, I have not wittnessed this.
This as I have been told is called Sundowning!
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/sundowning/hq01463
The physical therapist has gotten her out of the bed to the chair. She has spelled all six of us kids first and middle names....correctly! She gets very mad when we disrupt her sleep and/or we don't understand what she is saying! Not good to get mom mad, lol! So she is there, she is listening, she knows everyone that visits....she's NOT ready to leave this world!
Today they are going to be doing a blood transfusion, they said this would make her feel better! She went from Friday to yesterday (Monday) with no solid food, no liquid in her mouth except for a wet swabbing, because they weren't sure she was swallowing correctly....she has pnuemonia in her lungs and alittle congestive heart failure. She's not happy that she had to wait until today for the blood transfusion....she let us know that! And she said that she doesn't want to hurt again....that tells me she isn't feeling as much pain! That's so good!
She passed her swallow test well enough to be able to have very soft foods only in small amounts and only if she is sitting up very straight. She took only a bit and then wasn't hungry and wouldn't swallow....did I tell you my mom is stubborn too? LOL
Tomorrow, unless there is a miracle, she will be moved to the rehabilitation/nursing home! She may never come home again! She made us promise years ago that we would never put her in a nursing home....this is hard for us. What else can we do?
Choices are not always fair to family members!
Today is my Dad's 80th birthday! We have a party planned for him, as a BIG surprise, for Saturday! We now are at the point of what do we do....have the party as planned or cancel! There are people planning to come from out of town, some have plane tickets. Some of us feel it would be a good thing, some of us feel it should be canceled! I was one for cancel, but now am thinking maybe it would be a good thing! What would Dad want us to do? Mom would probably want us to still have it, even though she won't be there....but then, maybe she will....in her world!
I asked/told her last night before I left her that she was fighting and in her way of trying to talk she told me she is trying....she sure is! Dad took a cloth to church on Sunday and had them pray over it. He then took it to the hospital and put it in my mothers pillow, under her head for her to sleep on. I have to believe that those prayers will work, as will all of the prayers from you in blogland!
I Thank each and everyone of you for those prayers and your time in reading about my Mom! I appreciate it so very much! Thank you!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

My Mom....

The BEST Mom anyone could have!

Loves Life....


and her "grand babies"....
and the great grand babies too!

I am writing this to ask for prayers. Approximately 2 weeks ago, my mother woke up in pain during the middle of the night. My father of course got up with her and tried to comfort her, giving her Tylenol and trying to comfort her as best he could. At 4:30 a.m. the pain was so bad he had to call the ambulance to take her to the hospital. About 5-6 yrs ago, she tripped over an end pallet in a home improvement store and the ball of her shoulder was crushed. She had to have surgery and had a metal plate and screws put in to even have any movement at all with that arm. She has never been able to raise her arm on that side to even comb her own hair.
She is right handed, it is her right arm!
She did okay for awhile until now. She has been in emergency 3 times in the last 2 weeks, in pain so excruciating that the Valium and Tylenol doesn't even help. The morphine shot she was given messed up her system and she has been sick to her stomach. At night, she would try and catch some sleep sitting in her chair and Dad on the couch....Dad's a bit hard of hearing and a few nights ago he didn't hear her when she got up to use the bathroom. When she finally got his attention and he tried to help her back in her chair....she missed and slipped out of the chair and fell to the floor, damaging her right knee. She is now in the hospital, has been since Saturday morning....in excruciating pain. I went down on Sunday and spent the day at her side. The medications are so strong she is saying things out of her head. I was there when the first physical therapist came in and "tried" to make her stand up! It never happened....she's in so much pain, but she tried! Ended up with her in tears apologizing for crying and being a baby....which made me end up in tears! I told her that any grown man in the same position would be in tears too!
She's 79 yrs old and 122 lbs...if that!
She's a fighter for sure!
For some reason the x-rays on her have not been read up to this point. I am certain that somewhere something must be broken and not just deterioration from her osteoarthritis in her neck and her plate in her shoulder....she's in too much pain!
Last night the hospital had to call one of my sister's in to stay with her, they couldn't get her to calm down. Tonight another sister will stay with her. They live a short distance from there. I am going tomorrow after I drop off my youngest to school. I live the furthest, an hour and half away, so it is not as easy to go down, especially with a daughter in school and active afterschool. But they are in desperate need of a break and they have day jobs as well. She will more then likely end up in a rehabilitation facility, that is best at this point. She seems to need more care in the evening hours, the nurses say as people age that happens. Dad will be 80 yrs next week, he isn't able to care for her as needed at night. That is when the confusion sets in and she needs her family to know she is okay and not being taken hostage....that is what the meds are doing to her!
I love to spend time with my mom....but it sure is hard when it is this way!
Thank you in advance for your prayers....they are surely needed!

Monday, April 12, 2010

Another Little Project....

I went to our local Thrift Store about 2 weeks ago. Usually the choices aren't the best, especially for great furniture finds. But I came upon this dry sink and it was marked $24.99 and it said
It Works! Hmmm I thought, what works....


So I opened the doors and found this....
(for some CRAZY reason my picture flipped sideways and I can not get it to show the right way)
Ha, ha, ha! Oh Well, you get the idea I am sure....

It had a stereo in it....
yes it DID!


But, the one thing my hubby likes about my Thrift finds, is that on occasion they involve demolition! He got that thing in the garage and up on his saw horses and away he went. Tearing out that old stereo....first checking to see IF it did in fact work. Which it did....kinda....on one station....outta one speaker, lol. There was some hammering to do with the rubber mallet, which he confidently gave to me to do, and that is how the door popped off. I guess I was a bit stronger then I realized....but, being the master wood crafter that he is, he fixed it right up and it is now a very strong and sturdy piece of furniture!




I primed it up after he built in a new shelf and new sides,
which is where the speakers were.





I wanted the tole like painting to still show,
so I taped off the edges and primed those.



He nailed on a new back and I painted the whole dry sink
Valspar Satin Black.
I plan to put some basket in the bottom for storage!



The doors and knobs went back on....



And it is now standing proudly in my entry!
I think it looks nice!
For a piece of furniture from the Thrift Store!

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Happy....

This didn't show up quite how I would have liked....but, I'm going with it anyway!
This is a page from a book I have had for years. A Victorian book that has aomething for
each month in it and how it was celebrated in the Victorian days. I have it on my antique desk and I open it to the appropriate month as the year goes by. There are some really cute things in this book and even though I am not really "Victorian" in my decorating style anymore, I will always keep this book. Right under where it says April Fool's Day it says:
The first of April, some do say
Is set apart for All Fool's Day.
But why the people call it so,
Nor I, nor they themselves, do know.
But on this day are people sent
On purpose for pure merriment.
~Poor Robin's Almanac (1760)
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